Ever feel; even if it’s just for a moment, that everything makes perfect sense?… Life suddenly makes sense. And in that moment, that fragment in time; the insatiable internal clock that you’ve thus far seem to live by, just stops. There’s no more ticking, no more waiting, time simple revolves between each breath you take thereafter. And you just know exactly where you’re meant to be, exactly as you are… But then, in an instant, it can be ripped away. Leaving you devastated. I feel like no matter what I do I’m stuck chasing this metaphysical clock. Destined to repeat the same moments, minutes, and hours, in rotation forever. And all I want is to find something to make it stop again. Teresa Kahl
Been thinking for a while note about writing a novel about my experiences as a teenager living in the most boring place in Maryland. Growing up here was an experience since us church kids got into a lot of trouble trying to break free from formalized religion. I won’t say that life was hard growing up a minister’s kid but out made it harder to do what other kids my age were doing. We had a lot if crazy nights trying to find ourselves. I wouldn’t be who I am today if out want for those times of acting out. I believe that honestly it’s ronde people really understood what it was like trying to live up to the expectations of parents who wanted to file your life with an iron fist. I thought I would tell my story and my friends’ stories in the easy I saw it happen. I’m thinking thr best easy to start it off was to be at a funeral since that life had now ended. The funeral would be a metaphor of that chapter in life had now ended since we all have grown up. I’m not sure if I want to write it here or set up a new blog devoted to the story. But I will write and maybe get it published for people to read. I need to pursue a dream I once thought had died by going to college for a degree in which I want a career in. maybe someone will read it and be inspired to live their dream no matter how crappy their life was.
So it had been awhile since I have last posted here. A lot has happened. But the best part is I’m now a college grad, with no money no job no bf and still very strict parents. I’ve moved back to Maryland because I had very little options in West Virginia. I will find a way back to my family and life down there. For now I’m stuck in this hell we call a transition in life. I will search for blue skies and that silver lining in those clouds and hope it doesn’t rain on me.
Love and blessings
It felt like old times tonight. I went out with my best friend Teari and just wanted to run away from some of my problems tonight. I mean it wasn’t to the full effect, but the night was just as random. Got some great pictures.
There has been a major crisis in my world so It maybe a few days before I get to post again. Major epic fail on life.
The place I grew up is a small city in northern Maryland about ten minutes of the Chesapeake Bay. So it has about 15,000 people living here and is kind of the retiring place for many military families. Everyday you can hear the bombs going off from the military base. I am about a hour from everything fun, let’s just say that. Philly is about and 1 1/2 hrs, 2 1/2 from West Virginian eastern panhandle, 1hr from the PA, 45 minutes from Delaware. All there is to here is nothing.
So why am I writing about my hometown? No idea but it’s a post for the day lol. But i’ll give my place some credit. There is always someone around to get into trouble with you. It’s quiet, but if trouble is what you want, it’s not hard to find.
I remember this place being so romantic. Or can I say poetic. I would long to come back to the place I loved when I went away. It’s almost as if the spell that was cast has lost it’s power. I no longer rush back to this place. Almost everyone I grew up with have disappeared into the harshness of reality. Many have grown up, married, children and in some cases both. Some have gone to fight for the freedom of America. And it’s my turn to leave too, voyage to the future unknown.
Love and blessings,
Today I need to post something artsy that describes me, describes me at the moment or who I want to be. Of course this is a good day since I get to use one of my poems or maybe two.
Corsets around me
tightening on the last harp string,
allowing no air
for me and the world to share
so deadly and painful
but sexy and beautiful
I will endure,
to have it once more
to give it all
to allow myself to fall
to change all of me,
for all the world to see
I will make it through
to be more like you
imitation is suicide,
to swallow all my pride
I will hang
in all popular things
then be more like me
I die in the noose of society
I think this hits the spot
Love and Blessings,
So there is no internet connect at my friend’s house and I spent the night there. So I have to post day 3 on the same day as the day 2. Plus I won’t be back until late tonight or early tomorrow morning.
So I picked this picture since it just reminded me of good times. I was about 7 or 8 in this picture. I’m in Florida for summer vacation with my parents and my cousin Courtney ( my cousin and me are only 6 days apart, so my parents, aunts and uncles took us both a lot of places together). I’m in my mom’s black van. I can remember she bought it used and was the first of three vans she would buy before 2008 (she decided to get a Nissan Altima). The van was suppose to have a two rows of seating and only came with one. It just was like the last of innocence. I’m waving as if saying goodbye. I really do look happy here. Compared to the other picture on this roll, I really was the shy one. My cousin’s pic she’s lifting up her skirt so you can see her underwear. I want my summer to be memorable this year. I want to love, laugh, fight and have fun.
Love and blessings,
I would have to say that I regret not spending enough time with the people I love before they pass away. My paternal grandmother died when I was 14 and I barely spent anytime with her. She lived in New Jersey for years and we kind of passed her house going to my maternal grandmother’s home in Queens NY. I wish I had known her as well as my other cousins. I knew she loved me and would be proud of the person I have become.
I also lost a friend in 2007 when he was 17. We went to church youth group together, went to school together, had a lot of mutal friends. When I graduated high school, I lost track of him for sometime. The last time I saw him alive was when he helped my best friend and her (ex now) husband pack up the U-haul to where he was stationed (he was a marine).
I never have the time to tell people how much they mean to me. I always feel it’s too late sometimes. So I make it a habit now to just tell people I love and miss them. I would hate to feel guilty for not telling them while they were alive. You just never know when they’ll be gone.
Love and brightest blessings,